When Is a Vibrator Not a Vibrator? When It’s a Toothbrush.

Apparently nobody told vibrator manufacturers that a rose is a rose is rose because they keep coming up with disguises and multi-tasking models. In some areas of my life, I love dual-purpose products.  I’m thrilled to learn from the good folks at Real Simple that rubbing alcohol removes ballpoint ink and that lemon juice will whiten my nails.  But when it comes to sex, I want a vibrator that works its magic and then goes back in the toy chest (OK, in my case it’s a steamer trunk.)

There are great models to choose from, so why are we inundated with multi-function gadgets?  I don’t want a pen with a vibrating eraser. Nor am I interested in an all-in-one vibrator, keychain and flashlight.  (Now where did I leave those Keys???).

The most recent offenders are the Tingle Tip and Brush Bunny.  I stumbled upon these products when I was doing research for my vibrator book, and my mood quickly shifted from carnal to cranky.  Why?

Because these products TURN YOUR ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH INTO A VIBRATOR.

Yes, you read that correctly.  The Brush Bunny fits over the top of the brush, whereas the Tingle Tip “fits directly on to your electric toothbrush with patent-pending technology to deliver orgasmic vibrations.”  Both products suggest liberally applying lube before use and washing thoroughly in warm water afterwards.

Now I’m fastidious about proper dental care. I wonder, therefore, how I could ever take the same device that I use twice a day for oral hygiene and apply it the to the contours of my vulva. For me, even though they promise to keep things “fresh down below,”  the eeeww factor guarantees a bad case of receding cums. I can’t even wrap my woolly brain around the double entendre  “we have to fill that cavity” and the emotions that phrase would now elicit.

I suppose the good news is that you’d only need one set of directions for both the Tingle Tip or Brush Bunny and the Electric tooth brush.

*   Proper oral irrigation is essential.

*   Use at a least twice a day.

*   Make sure your brush is always properly charged

*   Place the head at a 35-degree angle

*   Move the brush up and down gently in short strokes.

*   Use the “”toe” to clean the inside surfaces using a gentle up-and-down strokes.

*   Apply to outer and inner surfaces to remove unsavory bacteria.  Check and Mate.

Here’s my advice—forget the the Tingle Tip and the damn bunny and buy yourself an Eroscillator, a true grown-up vibe.  It’s the one vibe I’d take if my house caught fire and after every use I bow down to Our Lady of the Screaming Orgasm.