Ask Athena

I’ve been getting lots of mail asking for advice, and so I have decided to include a new,regular feature on this site.  If you have questions or concerns and are searching for answers, email me at athenaiwg@gmail.com

Dear Athena.

I’m currently wrestling with some severe jealousy about my husband’s desire  to open our relationship so that he can have other partners. I told him that it was better off for the both of us if he explored that need of his, and then I could see if I could deal with it or not… He has his first date tomorrow. Oy.

I guess I’ll be getting more in touch with my self-love more now than ever, huh? RB

Sweet RB, you are trying so hard to accommodate his wishes, yet your pain is palpable.  Open relationships require boundaries, ethical negotiations and trust. These need to be mutually agreed upon, and both parties need to accept this core value as a part of their lives.  It sounds as if your husband made his decision and then you reluctantly agreed. I would ask you to contemplate if your seal of approval arose primarily from love or from fear.  If you are committed to walking down this path with him,  I highly recommend you read tThe Ethical Slut, by D. Easton and C. Liszt.   It will help you gain insight into your husband’s decision to reject a monogamous lifestyle and help you clarify your own position.  Hugs,